Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Debate Night!!!!

My fellow Americats:

You did not see me tonight at the debates. I have been engaged in intense negotiations to be a participant. Unfortunately, both the Donkeys and the Elephants see a humble American Tabby as too much of a threat. I have been frozen out.

So, here are MY responses to some of the questions asked of McCain and Obama tonight.

I have taken the liberty to paraphrase some of the questions.

#1. What actually is in the $700 billion bailout, and is anything in it for me?

Answer: The rude fact is that we have a serious liquidity crisis in the cash markets. This means the company you work for may not have the cash to make payroll. So bottom line, your paycheck is what's a stake. Yes, we have to do this rescue, including allowing Bernanke to invoke emergency laws enacted during the Depression so he can buy up commercial paper.

What's even ruder is that a bunch of crooks got us into this. So here is my proposal. I will pursue this proposal whether I get elected or not:

a. the crooks that made unsound loans to unsuspecting people should go straight to jail for life. The jackass who made the loan to the 90 year old woman in Akron, Ohio, a loan for $45,000 for a house appraised at $31,000, should be shot in front of a firing squad. The jerk at Fannie for actually following through on an eviction of this poor old woman should be drawn and quartered.

b. the following people should lose their jobs immediately:

Bernanke
Paulson
The CEO's of the big four accounting firms
Every US Senator and member of the house.
Everyone employed in whatever federal agency that was supposed to enforce the SOX act.

Interestingly, I double checked some comments I made over at Lutheran Surrealism last summer, almost 15 months ago. I said: "Bernanke is reactive, not proactive."

I should win a Nobel Prize for such an insightful prediction.

(as an adjunct to this proposal, I would also require all students to thoroughly understand loan to value ratios as a requirement of graduation.)

#2: If Iran attacks Israel, should we respond immediately or wait for approval from the rest of the world.

Answer: The real issue is American sovereignty. I'm in favor of keeping it. We are not governed by other countries. If Israel is attacked, I will send in the troops immediately, not only to defend Israel, but to take over Iran and give the country to Israel as the spoils of war.

#3. How will you make congress act quickly on green issues?

Answer: Predictably, neither McCain nor Obama directly answered this question. Here is my plan: I will have a special cabinet appointed to terrorize senators and congressmen and women by secretly planting dead rats and lizards in their shoes, pockets, desk drawers, etc. until they sit down like adults and deal with the issues.

#4: What about health care?

Answer: I hated the answers of both McCain and Obama. Obama wants to socialize medicine, and McCain wants to tax health benefits as income. BAD, BAD, BAD.

If ever there were a time to consider incentives to companies, large and small to offer insurance to all employees, this is it. In addition, health insurance companies should receive incentives for insuring those who cannot afford it.

I'm also in favor of criminalizing denial of coverage for pre-existing conditions. Yes, that insurance adjuster who denies your claim will goes straight to jail.

#5: Should we invade Pakistan?

Answer: The real issue here is that there's some dumb law that makes it illegal for the US government to assassinate bad guys. This needs to change. I would hire a sniper and send him in to take out OBL. Special ops could go too if they wanted to join in on the fun.

#6. Why should we trust either the Democrats or the Republicans who got us into this stinking mess?

Answer: You can't and you shouldn't. That's why you should vote for me, the candidate of the American Patriot Cat Party.

#7: What don't you know, and how are you going to learn it?

????? I know everything I need to know. I especially know not to admit to any weakness with the whole world watching.


Thank you for your time.

Vote for Skittles, The Huntress
The Voice of Reason in the Unreasonable World of Pet Humans

11 comments:

Tenny said...

I saloot yoo for answering the questions direcktly insted of using the debate as an opportoonity to parrot your party's talking points. As a fellow feline and American, I am proud of yoo!

Skittles, The Huntress said...

Dear Tenny,

Thank you for your comments and for the compliment about answering questions directly.

I realize many of my feline friends may not agree with me.

I respect that, and I appreciate all comments.

Luv,
Skittles, The Huntress

Donny and Marie and Casey said...

I agree with Tenny. We found the debates (both Prez and VP) kinda boring since everyone just wanted to talk talking pts.

At least you will answer the questions, directly, unequivocally.

~Donny

Skittles, The Huntress said...

Dear Donny, Marie and Casey,

Thank you for the comment.

It's so nice to hear from you. I must visit your site soon.

Again, I appreciate and respect all viewpoints here.

As a friend of mine said (Helen, pet human of Rosie O Kitten, at Windows Towards The World)...when all is said and done, we still have to live with one another.

Skittles, The Huntress

Forever Foster said...

Skittles, we enjoyed reading your responses to the questions. You are clearly a well qualified candidate. If we were American, we would strongly consider you in deciding our votes.

-Fui, Suey and Evie.

The Island Cats said...

Yeah! Skittles for President!!! You gots our votes (if we could vote!)

Wally, Ernie & Zoey

pee ess. the debate was so exciting that mom fell asleep!

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

We did not watch but 20 minits of da debate because mom said if dat geezer sez "my friends" one more time he's off and he did so she turned off da t.v. Dad wants to know how dem AIG beans think dey can get away wif grabbing der bail out money and going on a luxery vacation...mom sez it's cuz everyone will complain but no one will do anything.

ZOOLATRY said...

VOTE FOR SKITTLES!
SKITTLES '08!

The Crew said...

Well, you certainly have a grasp on the issues, Skittles and we especially like the dead rat idea. At this point, we'd support anything that would bring the elected officials of ALL parties to their senses. Americans are sick of them playing politics and just want our problems solved!

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

you go Skittles! we agree with everything you said. now i just need to write you in on my ballot!

Sweet Praline said...

At least you answer the questions and don't give us any of that mumbo jumbo!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Debate Night!!!!

My fellow Americats:

You did not see me tonight at the debates. I have been engaged in intense negotiations to be a participant. Unfortunately, both the Donkeys and the Elephants see a humble American Tabby as too much of a threat. I have been frozen out.

So, here are MY responses to some of the questions asked of McCain and Obama tonight.

I have taken the liberty to paraphrase some of the questions.

#1. What actually is in the $700 billion bailout, and is anything in it for me?

Answer: The rude fact is that we have a serious liquidity crisis in the cash markets. This means the company you work for may not have the cash to make payroll. So bottom line, your paycheck is what's a stake. Yes, we have to do this rescue, including allowing Bernanke to invoke emergency laws enacted during the Depression so he can buy up commercial paper.

What's even ruder is that a bunch of crooks got us into this. So here is my proposal. I will pursue this proposal whether I get elected or not:

a. the crooks that made unsound loans to unsuspecting people should go straight to jail for life. The jackass who made the loan to the 90 year old woman in Akron, Ohio, a loan for $45,000 for a house appraised at $31,000, should be shot in front of a firing squad. The jerk at Fannie for actually following through on an eviction of this poor old woman should be drawn and quartered.

b. the following people should lose their jobs immediately:

Bernanke
Paulson
The CEO's of the big four accounting firms
Every US Senator and member of the house.
Everyone employed in whatever federal agency that was supposed to enforce the SOX act.

Interestingly, I double checked some comments I made over at Lutheran Surrealism last summer, almost 15 months ago. I said: "Bernanke is reactive, not proactive."

I should win a Nobel Prize for such an insightful prediction.

(as an adjunct to this proposal, I would also require all students to thoroughly understand loan to value ratios as a requirement of graduation.)

#2: If Iran attacks Israel, should we respond immediately or wait for approval from the rest of the world.

Answer: The real issue is American sovereignty. I'm in favor of keeping it. We are not governed by other countries. If Israel is attacked, I will send in the troops immediately, not only to defend Israel, but to take over Iran and give the country to Israel as the spoils of war.

#3. How will you make congress act quickly on green issues?

Answer: Predictably, neither McCain nor Obama directly answered this question. Here is my plan: I will have a special cabinet appointed to terrorize senators and congressmen and women by secretly planting dead rats and lizards in their shoes, pockets, desk drawers, etc. until they sit down like adults and deal with the issues.

#4: What about health care?

Answer: I hated the answers of both McCain and Obama. Obama wants to socialize medicine, and McCain wants to tax health benefits as income. BAD, BAD, BAD.

If ever there were a time to consider incentives to companies, large and small to offer insurance to all employees, this is it. In addition, health insurance companies should receive incentives for insuring those who cannot afford it.

I'm also in favor of criminalizing denial of coverage for pre-existing conditions. Yes, that insurance adjuster who denies your claim will goes straight to jail.

#5: Should we invade Pakistan?

Answer: The real issue here is that there's some dumb law that makes it illegal for the US government to assassinate bad guys. This needs to change. I would hire a sniper and send him in to take out OBL. Special ops could go too if they wanted to join in on the fun.

#6. Why should we trust either the Democrats or the Republicans who got us into this stinking mess?

Answer: You can't and you shouldn't. That's why you should vote for me, the candidate of the American Patriot Cat Party.

#7: What don't you know, and how are you going to learn it?

????? I know everything I need to know. I especially know not to admit to any weakness with the whole world watching.


Thank you for your time.

Vote for Skittles, The Huntress
The Voice of Reason in the Unreasonable World of Pet Humans

11 comments:

Tenny said...

I saloot yoo for answering the questions direcktly insted of using the debate as an opportoonity to parrot your party's talking points. As a fellow feline and American, I am proud of yoo!

Skittles, The Huntress said...

Dear Tenny,

Thank you for your comments and for the compliment about answering questions directly.

I realize many of my feline friends may not agree with me.

I respect that, and I appreciate all comments.

Luv,
Skittles, The Huntress

Donny and Marie and Casey said...

I agree with Tenny. We found the debates (both Prez and VP) kinda boring since everyone just wanted to talk talking pts.

At least you will answer the questions, directly, unequivocally.

~Donny

Skittles, The Huntress said...

Dear Donny, Marie and Casey,

Thank you for the comment.

It's so nice to hear from you. I must visit your site soon.

Again, I appreciate and respect all viewpoints here.

As a friend of mine said (Helen, pet human of Rosie O Kitten, at Windows Towards The World)...when all is said and done, we still have to live with one another.

Skittles, The Huntress

Forever Foster said...

Skittles, we enjoyed reading your responses to the questions. You are clearly a well qualified candidate. If we were American, we would strongly consider you in deciding our votes.

-Fui, Suey and Evie.

The Island Cats said...

Yeah! Skittles for President!!! You gots our votes (if we could vote!)

Wally, Ernie & Zoey

pee ess. the debate was so exciting that mom fell asleep!

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

We did not watch but 20 minits of da debate because mom said if dat geezer sez "my friends" one more time he's off and he did so she turned off da t.v. Dad wants to know how dem AIG beans think dey can get away wif grabbing der bail out money and going on a luxery vacation...mom sez it's cuz everyone will complain but no one will do anything.

ZOOLATRY said...

VOTE FOR SKITTLES!
SKITTLES '08!

The Crew said...

Well, you certainly have a grasp on the issues, Skittles and we especially like the dead rat idea. At this point, we'd support anything that would bring the elected officials of ALL parties to their senses. Americans are sick of them playing politics and just want our problems solved!

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

you go Skittles! we agree with everything you said. now i just need to write you in on my ballot!

Sweet Praline said...

At least you answer the questions and don't give us any of that mumbo jumbo!